The Phone Call That Broke My Trust: What Perimenopause Care Can Feel Like (But Often Doesn’t)

The Phone Call That Broke My Trust: What Perimenopause Care Can Feel Like (But Often Doesn’t)

If you have ever put down the phone after speaking to a healthcare professional and felt shaky, angry, and unsettled, I want you to know I get it. Yesterday I received an unexpected call from my GP surgery, and it left me feeling blindsided, unsupported, and unsure what to do next. It also triggered something that I know many women in perimenopause will recognise, that familiar sense of needing to fight to be taken seriously, even when you are doing everything you can to support yourself.

I am sharing this experience because it matters. Not because I want to dramatise it, and not because I want to create fear around HRT or healthcare, but because these moments are part of a much bigger story in women’s health. They shape how safe we feel to ask for help, how confident we feel to advocate for ourselves, and how much trust we have in the system that is meant to support us.

For context, I was referred to an NHS menopause consultant by my GP, who I will refer to as Dr 1. Dr 1 has been supportive and is currently training in menopause care. I attended the consultant appointment, we discussed my symptoms, and a plan was put in place. My HRT was adjusted, and the consultant wrote to my GP to prescribe the updated regime. This felt like a positive step forward and a clear plan after a long period of trying to be heard.

Then yesterday afternoon, I received an unexpected and unscheduled phone call from the surgery. It was Dr 2 and another GP. I was not prepared for the call, I was on speakerphone, and I could not hear properly, which made it difficult to fully follow the conversation from the outset.

It quickly became clear that Dr 2 was not comfortable prescribing the HRT dosage recommended by the consultant. Concerns were raised about risks, including blood clots and breast cancer. I want to be very clear here, I welcome thoughtful and considered medical care. I want healthcare professionals to assess risk and think critically. That is not the issue. The issue was how the conversation was handled and what was missing from it.

One of the most unsettling parts of the call was that Dr 2 referred to messages from a WhatsApp group of GPs who specialise in female health. Because I could not hear clearly, I did not catch the name of the group, and it was not clear what level of menopause training those contributors had. I have no issue with clinicians discussing cases with colleagues, this is something I do in my own professional role. What felt uncomfortable was that it seemed as though this advice was being gathered and considered in the moment, rather than reviewed beforehand and then communicated clearly to me.

It also did not feel like my individual risk was explored in a meaningful way. I was not asked about my personal or family history in relation to blood clots or breast cancer, and the conversation remained quite general rather than tailored. When it comes to decisions around HRT, that level of personalisation matters.

By the end of the call, I felt blindsided and unsettled. I felt like I had been brought into a conversation that needed to be properly considered first, with a clear outcome and a plan. Instead, I was left trying to process information in real time, without clarity on what would happen next.

What troubled me most was the lack of a forward plan. There was a clear reluctance to prescribe the recommended HRT, but there was no alternative offered and no collaborative discussion about what could be done instead. The overall message felt like a refusal, followed by being directed back to the consultant, without any clear guidance on how that would work in practice.

Another part of the call that left me feeling dismissed was the approach to prescribing. I understand that clinicians may choose to prescribe cautiously, but I was told they would only prescribe one month’s supply. Current guidance around HRT suggests allowing three to six months for the body to adjust before assessing benefits, as it can take time for symptoms to improve. I asked what would happen after that month and what the plan was for ongoing prescriptions, but Dr 2 did not answer those questions. I was told to go back to the consultant to prescribe it, which raised further questions about whether I would need to return to the specialist for every prescription and how that would work in reality.

It is difficult to describe the emotional impact of this without it sounding exaggerated, but I think many women will understand exactly what I mean. When you are already managing perimenopause symptoms such as poor sleep, anxiety, heavy periods, brain fog, low mood, migraines, and fatigue, an interaction like this can feel overwhelming. Not because you are overreacting, but because you are already carrying a lot.

This experience also sits within a wider pattern I have had with my surgery in relation to perimenopause. Dr 1 has been supportive, and she has listened to me and taken me seriously, which I am grateful for. However, my overall experience has not been positive. I have often been told I am too young to be perimenopausal, despite experiencing very real symptoms that impact my day to day life. I have been told that because I still have periods, I cannot be in this stage, and I have been met with scepticism when I have tried to explain what I am experiencing.

This is one of the ongoing challenges in menopause care in the UK. There is still confusion around what perimenopause looks like, and this can lead to women feeling dismissed or misunderstood. Perimenopause is not defined by the absence of periods. It is a transition, and for many women it begins years before periods stop. Symptoms can be significant and life affecting, and when they are not recognised, women are left trying to make sense of it on their own.

I am a registered nutritional therapist, and my work centres around nutrition for perimenopause and midlife health. I am deeply committed to helping women feel better in their bodies without restriction or diet culture. I see every day how powerful food, routine, and support can be for stabilising energy, reducing cravings, improving digestion, supporting sleep, and helping women feel more resilient. Lifestyle matters, and it can make a meaningful difference.

However, lifestyle is not a replacement for medical care. You can be eating well, supporting your body, and doing all the right things, and still need additional support with your hormones. That is not a failure, and it is not something that needs to be justified.

One of the most exhausting parts of this experience is the constant need to advocate for yourself. To explain, to question, to follow up, and to keep going even when you feel worn down. It is not just about getting the right prescription, it is about feeling supported, listened to, and taken seriously.

If you have ever left a GP appointment or phone call feeling confused, dismissed, or unsure what to do next, you are not alone. If you have been told you are too young, or that your symptoms are not significant enough, you are not alone. If you feel like you are doing everything you can and still hitting barriers, you are not alone.

I am considering making a formal complaint about how this call was handled. Not because I think complaints are enjoyable, and not because I want conflict, but because the way care is delivered matters. Professional conversations need to feel structured, respectful, and supportive. Risk discussions need to be individualised and explained clearly. If a GP is unwilling to prescribe a specialist recommended HRT regime, there needs to be a clear pathway forward, and the patient is not left feeling like it is all on them to resolve.

In the meantime, I will continue to advocate for myself, and I will continue to support the women I work with to do the same in a way that feels calm, informed, and grounded.

If you are navigating perimenopause symptoms and want practical, compassionate support with your nutrition and day to day habits, you can book a complimentary clarity call with me. We can talk through what is going on for you and what support might look like, without pressure or overwhelm.

Because you deserve to feel supported, and you deserve care that listens.