Why It Feels So Hard to Accept Your Changing Body in Perimenopause (Even When You’re Doing Everything “Right”)

It’s taken me a huge amount of strength to write this, but I think it’s important we talk about it.

I recently saw a post on Facebook where a woman shared, anonymously, that she had a “horrendous double chin.” She said she hadn’t realised quite how bad it had become until her son took a photo of her without her knowing. She asked, “How do I fix this? I’ll do anything.” She also mentioned that she was a size 10, as if she needed to justify that the rest of her body was “acceptable,” and that this one part of her somehow wasn’t.

Her words were raw, vulnerable, and honest, and they clearly struck a chord because the post received a huge number of responses.

The comments were, thankfully, kind and supportive. Many women reassured her that her chin looked far from “horrendous.” Others gently encouraged her to see herself through her son’s eyes, reminding her that he would not see her in that way. He would see his mum. Someone familiar, safe, and loved. There were also comments suggesting techniques, treatments, and even surgical options.

But what really stayed with me was not the advice. It was her language, she said she would “do anything” and I found that really sad. Not in a judgemental way at all, but in a way that made me pause and think. What does “anything” actually mean in that context? Does it mean surgery? Does it mean trying to change her body at any cost? Or does it mean she is so uncomfortable in her own skin that she feels she needs fixing?

It made me question whether she actually needs fixing at all, or whether what she needs is a shift in how she sees herself and how she speaks to herself.

Her choice to include her dress size also felt significant. It was as though she was trying to say, “I’m doing okay everywhere else, I promise,” as if that made her more deserving of help or more acceptable. These are not criticisms. They are simply observations, but I do think the words we use matter because they often reflect something deeper.

If I am completely honest, this whole post hit closer to home than I expected. Because I am currently struggling with my own body image.

Over the last 12 to 18 months, I have gained about half a stone. On paper, that does not sound like a lot, but it has really messed with my head. My clothes do not fit me properly, I feel bloated, and I feel wider in my body. The weight has settled around my middle in a way that feels unfamiliar and frustrating.

Since September 2025, I have been consciously trying to shift it. I eat well, I prioritise protein and fibre, and I have a regular exercise routine. I do cardio, I strength train two to three times a week, and I go to a weekly Pilates Barre class. From the outside, it would look like I am doing everything “right” when it comes to perimenopause nutrition and looking after my health.

And yet, I seem to lose a few pounds and then a social event or a weekend away comes along and it goes straight back on again. This is not something I used to experience, and I am finding it beyond frustrating. If I am being completely honest, it is really getting me down, and I can feel that old self-criticism starting to creep back in.

Perimenopause Body Changes and Why Your Body Feels Different

There is also an internal tug of war that comes with this. I know that on those weekends away I could be more controlled with my food choices. I could play it safe and choose the option that feels more aligned with my goals. But I do not want to do that. I want to go to new restaurants, try different foods, and enjoy the experience.

I refuse to fall back into old habits of restriction, weighing, and calorie counting because I know how negatively that affects my mindset. It is not a place I am willing to go back to.

As a Registered Nutritional Therapist, there is a part of me that feels embarrassed even admitting this. There is a sense that I should have this figured out. But I am sharing it because I know how common this is, and I think it is important to talk about it openly.

The Facebook post made me reflect on a much bigger question, which is why it feels so hard to accept our bodies as they change, particularly during perimenopause.

Most of us grew up surrounded by messaging about what our bodies should look like. We heard phrases like “nothing tastes as good as skinny feels,” and we saw women praised for being small while others were criticised for completely normal body shapes. These messages were everywhere, and over time they became internalised.

So when our bodies start to change in midlife, it is not just a physical shift. It can feel like we are getting something wrong.

At the same time, we are now seeing a resurgence of the “skinny ideal,” particularly with the rise of weight loss injections. This adds another layer of pressure and can make it even harder to feel comfortable in a body that is naturally changing.

Why Weight Gain in Perimenopause Feels So Frustrating

From a physiological perspective, there is a lot going on during perimenopause. Hormones fluctuate in a way that can feel unpredictable, and this affects how the body stores fat, how it uses energy, and how it responds to food and exercise.

It is very common for weight gain in perimenopause to show up around the middle. Many women notice that their body shape changes, even when their habits stay the same. This is often linked to hormonal changes and shifts in fat distribution.

This is why the old approaches to weight loss in perimenopause often feel like they no longer work. It is not because you have suddenly lost all willpower or because you are doing everything wrong. It is because your body is responding differently.

Understanding this does not automatically make it easier to accept, but it does help to shift the narrative away from blame.

Nutrition for Hormone Balance: Nourish, Not Punish

This is where the concept of “nourish, not punish” becomes so important.

If you are eating well and moving your body regularly, those habits are doing you good. They are supporting your hormones, your energy, your strength, and your long-term health. This is what nutrition for hormone balance looks like in real life.

It is not about perfection or restriction, it is about consistency over time.

When you tighten control, restrict more, and try to force your body to change, this approach comes at a cost. It can negatively impact mental wellbeing, create an unhealthy relationship with food, and take the enjoyment out of everyday life.

How to Feel More Accepting of Your Body in Perimenopause

So the question becomes not just “how do I change my body,” but “how do I change my relationship with my body?”

For me, this is not about suddenly loving every part of myself. That does not feel realistic. But it is about becoming more aware of the way I speak to myself and recognising when that inner critic starts to take over.

It is about reminding myself that my body is not broken, it is changing. I can acknowledge that I can feel frustrated and still choose not to punish myself. It is about creating space for a more compassionate way of thinking, even if that does not come naturally at first.

Going back to that Facebook post, I keep coming back to the idea that perhaps the issue was not her chin at all. Perhaps the real challenge was how she saw herself and the meaning she attached to that one part of her body. Because I can almost guarantee that the people who love her do not see her in the way she sees herself and the same is likely true for you.

Kicking Perimenopause in the Arse

If any of this resonates, please know there are other women who feels the same way. You are not failing, and you do not need fixing. You are navigating a stage of life that brings real and valid changes, both physically and emotionally.

If you would like a space where you can talk about this openly, without judgement, I would love you to join my Facebook group, Kicking Perimenopause in the Arse.

It is for perimenopausal women who feel overwhelmed by all the conflicting advice and just want to feel better. I guide them through simple challenges to help them support their body with realistic food and lifestyle changes. It’s all about doing things differently, not more, and learning to nourish, not punish. A space where you can feel seen heard, understood a supported. Click here to join.